The Past

You must forget the past, it’s gone away.
But I can’t, it haunts me every day.
The sun can shine, but clouds are grey.
I wish it all would go away.

For ten years I thought  I was going insane,
Now I know it was torment, sorrow, pain.
I could not tell another soul,
About my life in that hellish hole.

On the surface I learnt to smile,
I felt that life was a continuous trial.
I woke in the mornings full of dread,
Because I knew at night it was time for bed.

Twenty four hours a day I wait,
Knowing an explosion was my fate.
I survived the kicks, punches and slaps,
Feeling my breath and energy sap.

The torture, I hated that hurt and harmed,
Was the mental twisting, like a constant alarm.
Never knowing what to say to appease,
He was cruel, brought me down to my knees.

I have seen the cold shine of a silver blade,
My life's been a blur, as it slowly fades.
Threats to leave were a game to be won,
To him it was just more cruel sickening fun.

Every hour of every day
I wanted to escape to run away.
But where would I go? what would I do?
Who would I turn to? please tell me who?

Bruises fade, scars heal in time,
My memories stay vivid, I can see them fine.
Words of spite, hatred in face,
Where was the love? Not even a trace.

I needed strength to break away,
By now I was weak from the battles each day.
I asked for help in the dark of the night,
Just guide me please show me the light.

"I am so sorry, hold my hand" he said,
"I love you so much", but his voice was dead.
"Let me love, cherish and protect forever",
Oh his words were very clever.

If love is a suffocation of life,
And cherish is to threaten with a knife.
I needed protection, but it was not you,
You really did not have a clue.

My life was a sorry state,
I needed out before it was to late.
He left one day out of the blue,
I smiled for the first time, what else could I do.

Oh the story does not end just there,
I wish it did, but life is not fair.
He begged and pleaded take me back,
By now his clothes were in a sack.

A sudden rush of courage kicked in,
This war I was going to win.
The issue I have is the damage done,
Stops me enjoying life having fun.

I keep waiting for my new life to go bad,
This is making me so very sad.
How can I trust anyone ever again,
When my heart is still full of such tremendous pain.

I’m trying to be positive to think ahead.
My body hurts so much, my feelings dead.
I am going to try one step at a time,
To walk a new path, follow a straight line.

Day after day I look for the sun.
The day it shines I know I will have won…

Kim Louise 2008

Why write a poem like this I hear you ask because it gives hope no matter how bad the situation, you have the power to change your life. Although it may be hard and painful there is always light at the end of the road.

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